Today’s cocktail: Last Word.
Okay, so let’s talk about it.
Welp guys, it’s happened again… yup, you guessed it or maybe you didn’t but I’ve been fired yet again! 😔
That makes job number seven to be either let go from or “voluntarily” resign from (and yes, those air quotes are doing heavy lifting right now).
The culprit this time? Weeks of bipolar mania, manic episodes, borderline psychosis all eventually equating to inadequate rest and full-on sleep deprivation. Add to that my crazy, irregular work schedule that kept changing every other week, and boom I fell asleep on the job. The company decided that was the final straw.
Now, I haven’t crashed out yet because, honestly, it doesn’t seem very wise right now. My wife needs me more than ever, and I won’t get too deep into it (because I think she reads these 👀). But in short she completely broke down when I told her, and it broke me too. She’s scared for us, and honestly, I am too. But somehow I don’t even know how or why I know we’re going to be okay. Although I have no clue what the fuck I’m doing or what I’m going to do! I can feel it.
It almost feels spiritual, like this happened for a reason a good one. Only time will tell, so I’ll wait. I’ll keep you all posted on what’s next for The Crazy Cocktail.
I’m getting ready to launch my home goods and garden dropshipping store on November 1st (whoot whoot!). I’ll drop the link for y’all to see later. I’ve been building the website from scratch yes, I learned to code so I’m pretty excited to share it with the world once I go public.
I’ve also carefully curated my furniture suppliers list with top-quality pieces sourced from U.S., U.K., and Canadian suppliers all offering fast 4-7 day shipping. And on top of that, I’ve written a few children’s books, some journals, and even a pocket sized weight loss book all available on Amazon (links coming soon ☝️).
To be real though I don’t think I’m meant to work a conventional job for someone else. I always felt boxed in, too controlled. Now, by all means, I’m not happy to have lost my livelihood but I know this just means it’s time to go harder for my wife and kids through my creative side.
I know in my soul I’m meant to touch millions not just for myself, but to spread it around and help so many others who are struggling.
Right now, I’m at the Greyhound bus station (ugh, I hate riding the bus). People are strange AF the “bussers,” as I call them. No tea, no shade, but if you’ve ever ridden any bus, you know. The regulars, the wanderers, the ones just passing through they’re all characters. (Refer to my previous blog “Two Narcissists and a Schizophrenic Walk into a Bar” and you’ll catch my drift.) Anyway, maybe I am meant to be wealthy. Maybe I’m not. Or, Maybe that’s just another one of my many delusions. I know my wife’s getting sick of my antics by now but that’s another convo for another day.
Sometimes, I really wonder what people expect from a mentally ill person other than… well, for them to be mentally ill and do crazy shit like…lose their job in the middle of a government shutdown and a shitty economy 🤦🏾♀️. But hey, I’m grateful she still sees me as more than just my illnesses. I just see that view starting to fade, creeping into her per view and it breaks my heart because I’m doing the best I can.I even found a therapist whom I now can’t see because I was supposed to meet with her this Thursday, but that’s out the window since I’ll no longer have health insurance thanks to today’s termination. Like damn and it was good insurance too. Never even got to use it. Not even to clean my teeth. SMFH. Ahhhh.. 😱 😩🤬🤬🤬
I think my wife thinks we’re going to end up on SKID row now and honestly I really hope not. Things are pretty uncertain right now as everything has just happened, but I believe we’ll be okay and that this happened to us for a good reason. I just wish she felt the same. Lately, though, I can feel it strong and heavy, like she doesn’t believe in me anymore or in any of my business ventures. It hurts, because I’m really out here trying, even if it doesn’t look like it. Sometimes I feel like the husband from that movie Acrimony, just waiting for everyone to see what I’ve seen all along. But what do you do when your wife stops believing in you and starts to see you as a fuck up instead of the person you swore you’d become?
Cocktail please?
Gia Beasley,